I fucking hate

I fucking hate the feeling when i wake up and have trouble converting oxygen into CO2 because of this huge hole you left in my chest.

I fucking hate tracing my hands with the things you used to touch, the sheets you used to sleep in and watch your fingerprints fade from all those things.

I fucking hate thinking about what you've done and how you pretended it was okay.

I fucking hate the fact that i wish you would take advantage of me just so i can see you again.

I fucking hate the fact that when i tell them how you hurt me i have to act like i don't care.

I fucking hate the fact that i want to be the girl you tie down to and settle down with one day.
I fucking hate the fact that i'll know how much you'll love her cause you would never settle for less.

I fucking hate the fact that i know it simply wont be me.

I fucking hate the fact that one day you'll belong to someone else and this thing between us, it'll just become a mere chapter in your story.

I fucking hate the fact that you only call me baby when you slip your hand under my underwear.

But most of all i fucking hate you.

For using me to feed your long list of accomplishments.

For saying things you didn't mean.

I fucking hate you for making me loathe waking up every morning with not you, but the feeling of emptiness you left me.

I fucking hate you for loving me in my dreams and abandoning me upon my awake.

I just fucking

Hate

You.

//i lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side//