Bus ride home - a self analysis

1. I like to brush things off and pretend that nothing phases me
2. I internalise issues and blame myself for overthinking/being too sensitive when something doesn't feel right
3. If it's in my power to help someone I love, I will

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will continue to be updated

Solitude

Its days like this that I miss you the most when the sun is blazing, flowers are blooming or when it's late at night and I'm lying on the sofa remembering that at this time of hour you usually finish work and we would drive out to embark our next adventure in the dark together

I realised that these moments all have something in common - when the weather is perfect and the night is full of endless possibilities I'll want to share that moment with you, or somebody per se.
but that's the problem, isn't it? that after everything I still want to share my life's best moments with someone and the feeling that- I myself is not enough to make this moment special, is the very root of why I feel like I have a void that never seems to fill.

So, today I have decided to stop relying on other people to take me out or pull me out of the house. I've decided to take myself on an adventure, relish the perfect moments of sun and scenery by myself and understand that I am my own best company (and maybe google maps).

And in the end, solitude is what I really need to grow.

Life is too short to not love relentlessly - .

To someone from my past or to someone in my future, maybe one day you will find this blog, and find some closure in reading my inner thoughts, the same way i found closure writing it.

19 thoughts

Thoughts of 19 y/o Sally - 

Let yourself be vulnerable. They will have names, some of which you won’t remember, some however will be etched into your brain forever, and its okay. No one finds love on the first try. Every time someone leaves you, you tend to shut some part of you off, and yes, I know you’re just trying to protect yourself, but building a wall so high around your heart will only leave you miserable and sad when you know you need companionship to make it through the rough days. You will only meet a handful of decent guys in your life, and even less will be willing to climb it, so don’t let that wall stop you from experiencing. I want you to never give up finding the person who makes everyday worth living.

You don’t owe anyone anything. Just because he was nice, chivalrous and bought you dinner or even just asked you how you’ve been, it doesn’t mean you owe them anything. Never think that you are obligated to make others feel better because even though you likely still believe in the good of people, some are just not worth losing a part of because over time you will miss the simplicity of holding hands, or the anticipation of the first kiss, and Sally, its not worth it. If you are not comfortable in a situation, speak up. Don’t think that you are not worthy of feeling safe and comfortable even if it’ll upset somebody else. Don’t brush off the warning signals in your brain when he slips his hand under your waistband, don’t brush off the fact that he only calls you babe when ur in his bed. You don’t need a million reasons to walk away, just do it. You are your first priority always, don’t forget that.

You will make mistakes. No matter in a relationship or your career, mistakes are inevitable, and for god sakes its okay. Don’t put yourself down for little mistakes, don’t let them define you or make you feel you like don’t deserve a chance. But then again learn from them. Acknowledge the mistakes you made and swear to never make them again. Hold on to the feeling of disappointment and transfer that into something that drives you into being a better person.

And above all, tell your family you love them. In a few years’ time, if things go as planned, you will currently be in the middle of finishing your physio degree. Placements, assignments and exams are important, but always remember the people who made chasing your dreams possible. Say thank you to your parents and apologize that it took this long for you to realize how grateful you are to have them. Say thank you to mum for all the sleepless nights and boy talks that kept you from doing silly things. Say thank you to dad for all the sweat and tears he put into his job just to make sure you had the resources to live a happy and fulfilling life. Say thank you to your evil sister, for teaching you the beauty of sharing life and for becoming a great woman to look up to. Don’t be afraid to say “I love you” to them, its okay to be vulnerable. Tell them how thankful you are even though words cant even fully express themselves.